Pat Robertson - Intelligent Design

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Conservative Christian televangelist Pat Robertson told citizens of a Pennsylvania town that they had rejected God by voting their school board out of office for supporting "intelligent design" and warned them on Thursday not to be surprised if disaster struck.

Pat Robertson...wow more scientific evidence against intelligent design!

Stay The Course

My local Football teams likes to think that it has a running game. All the other defensive coordinators around the league know that we don't. The result is usually that we get stuffed for a 5 yard loss. We are halfway through the season and our record is a dismal 2 wins and 6 losses. We still hope to make it in to the playoffs.
The other day Coach gave a speech to the nation, I mean team. We are going to stay the course. We are going to keep pounding the ball up the middle because everyone knows that the only way to win this thing is to have a good running game and the only way to have a good running game is to have one. Coach says once the other teams see our running game they will be filled with shock and awe and that will open up the passing game.
My local team likes to thing that it has a passing game. All the other defensive coordinators around the league know that we don't.

Proposition 77 Space Invaders

Bob Dylan once noted in It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry “Don't say I never warned you When your train gets lost”. Well I’m not laughing and this train is officially lost. Arnold the Big Austrian Big Idea Man has determined that we need to redistrict in the middle of the decade. Not only that, but it turns out that it is one of his big ideas to reform California. A panel of three (3) retired and impartial judges will man the Ouiji Board. Now as I see it they can be retired or they can be impartial, but they can not be both at the same time. Substitute 3 Venezuelans or 3 Space Aliens and it makes just as much sense. At least the Space Aliens would wipe the maps clean…now that’s real reform.!

Paid for by Venezuelans and Space Aliens for reform.

Three Envelopes

On the day he left the Governor’s Office, Governor Davis met Arnold Schwarzenegger in the hall way. "I've left three envelopes in your desk draw in case you need any help during your time as Governor" Davis told Schwarzenegger.

After he had been Governor for a week, curiosity got the better of Arnold and he took out the envelope labeled #1. Inside envelope #1 was a note that simply said "Blame your predecessor", Talk about crazy deficit spending, and blowing up the boxes”. “Fantastic, I like this” thought Arnold, so he started blaming his predecessor for the mess he had inherited as Governor and went around California talking about crazy deficit spending and blowing up the boxes on the State Organizational Chart.

For awhile the Governor’s popularity soared and the people loved him. But soon, as things have a way of happening, Arnold’s rating began to decline and the Governor began to think of ways to regain the initiative. "I know" he thought “I'll see what’s in envelope #2, after all the advice in envelope #1 worked so well”. Arnold opened envelope #2 and it simply said, “Channel Pete Wilson, blame the teachers, police and firemen and hold special elections to reform California”. “Fantastic” thought the Governor, and so he began to travel far and wide in California and Texas and Ohio and Florida to explain why teacher tenure and pensions were the most important items in his quest to reform California.

Just as in the case of the first envelope, the advice in envelope #2 brought instant results and the people of California, Ohio, Texas and Florida loved him, and even began to talk about changing the constitution so Arnold could run for President. But alas, the people of California were fickle, and once again the Governor’s ratings began to sink lower and lower. The Governor and his advisors put on a heavily tanned face, and thought long and hard about how to turn the Governor’s falling poll numbers around so that he could thwart the special interest firefighters who were holding back the Governor’s mission to reform California. "I know he”, suddenly thought, as he was driving to work in his hydrogen powered Humve, "I'll see what's inside envelope #3. After all the advice in envelopes #1 and #2 had been so good, the advice in envelope #3 surely must be the best of them all. When he got to his office the Governor carefully took our number envelope #3 and found a note that simply said "Start preparing 3 envelopes”. Fantastic!

Japanese state to restrict sales of 'Grand Theft Auto III'

Japanese state to restrict sales of 'Grand Theft Auto III'

TOKYO (AP) — A state in Japan has decided to ban a U.S. video game from being sold or rented to minors, after officials deemed it harmful and capable of inciting violence.

Now isn't this most silly thing you have ever heard? How about banning outright a violent game that allows users to kill drug dealers and cops?

Oh Piffle, Court Sides With Bush on Secrecy of Cheney Energy Panel

This just in…an appeals court voted 8-0 (as in not one member of the court felt that what administration was claiming was passing strange or even funny, but not ha ha) that Dick Cheney did not have reveal who helped the administration formulate its energy policy, or publish the minutes of these meetings. As far as I can tell, because I am not strictly speaking a judicial or constitutional expert, Dick does not have to tell who, what, where, why, and when because the attendees would not feel safe speaking their hearts and minds if anyone knew who they where or what they had to say. For instance the coal industry might feel shy about revealing that they believed that more coal was what was needed. Likewise the Oil and Nuclear industries are so scared to speak their minds about needing more of their products that shining the light of day on the proceedings would leave them cowering in their boardrooms…oh piffle…you cant make this stuff up it's so absurd.

Vehicles To Get Up To 100 MPG on Piffle

On Earth Day 2005 I read an editorial by Samuel W. Bodman, Secretary of Energy, touting Hydrogen powered vehicles as the way out of our current energy crisis. "When research proves successful, zero-emission hydrogen fuel cell vehicles could become as common as today's gasoline-powered automobiles. The fuel can be produced from out plentiful domestic energy resources, and hydrogen fuel cell vehicles emit only water vapor, which results in cleaner air."

Secretary Bodman cites President Bush's commitment of $1.2 billion dollars over 5 years towards a program to develop hydrogen fuel for cars and trucks as evidence that the US and the President are serious about Hydrogen. I say the cars of the future might as well run on piffle.

Hydrogen may be the wave of the future, but most scientists say don't hold your breath or your hydrogen stocks, hydrogen is not around the corner. $1.2 billion over 5 years is not exactly chump change, but lets get real for a minute. We have spent $300 billion in Iraq to transform that country, surely if hydrogen is the answer we should be spending much more to tackle our energy problems.

In the mean time perhaps we could enact stricter mileage requirements on the vehicles we produce. Computerized fuel systems and technology have allowed car manufacures to radically boost vehicle horse power over the last 5 years. Lets dial that back a little and optimize for fuel economy. More horse power maybe sexier, but do we really need it. It's time for us to act in our own best interest and demand more fuel efficient cars. Every barrel of gas that is used unnecessarily is $55 dollars driven out of the national economy enriching some other nation!

It's your choice will your car run on piffle power, or some other fuel source. Lets invest the dollars to make a more efficient tomorrow and while we are waiting lets dial down the testestorone and demand more efficient cars.

Liberal, Conservative, What's In A Label

I invited a friend to visit my weblog the other day. I related that my father thought I was a liberal, my brother thought that I was a conservative, and that I thought of myself as an enlightened moderate. I suppose that this was by way of warning her about the content that she might find on my weblog. Sort of a TV style rating for Blogs; warning the following content may be philosophically contrary to your views.

But then I got to thinking how can I be liberal, conservative, or moderate to different people. I know who I am at my core and what my beliefs are, and I am pretty much in agreement with myself most of the time. Is it their problem? Or is it mine?

But why have these labels “liberal”, “conservative” become such red flags? It’s as if the nation as a whole is keeping score deciding who is red or blue, who is righteous and who is wrong. It only seems to be more prevalent today because of the media blasting at us 25-7. Our founding fathers, as I have been reading in a recent book “Founding Brothers” were as irascible, cantankerous, and vitriolic, as any of today’s crop of knuckleheads and lunkheads (and they did it without the help of CNN or Fox). I say deity bless them (red herring humor for those of you weighing me on the left-right scale). But as for me I wont be subscribing to any one point of view. I will be pretty much sticking to my “core values and beliefs”:

• Abortion should be a woman’s right between her and her god not a politicians.
• Abortion should not be used as birth control.
• I believe in personal responsibility especially for elected officials and televangelists.
• No civilian needs a semiautomatic assault weapon.
• At the heart of every tax crusader is a tax cheat.
• Rap Music is vile soul destroying music and just not as good as anything else including country music and polka.
• Liberal do-gooders should get a full time job at a soup kitchen.
• Conservative televangelist should get a full time job at a soup kitchen
• I support our troops not the war.
• Vladimir Putin has no soul and single handedly bombed Chechnya to the ground while we whistled WMD.
• There are almost two billion people in China and India how many jobs do you think we can outsource before we become a third world nation?
• The three branches of government are pretty inefficient and often times get in the way of getting real work done but until politicians stop thinking that theirs is the only right way I say what’s a little delay in our march to forcing you to do it my way.

This just in – Public employees responsible for California’s Budget Deficits

So now we learn that the reason that California is in such a financial mess is that teacher and public worker pensions are to blame…classic misdirection…bad special interests…by the way where can I get a list of the Governors Approved special interests?
Oh and by the way stop borrowing from public employee pension funds to balance the budget…it’s the peoples money you know… the ones that teach our children fight our fires and police our streets…damn special interests….

How Long Will We Stay In Iraq

6-24-03

How long will we stay in Iraq? As long as we need and not a day more!
Consider:

1. Troops deployed in Europe 113,000 since 1946
2. Troops deployed in Japan 43,000 since 1947
3. Troops deployed in Korea 38,000 since 1953
4. Troops deployed in Iraq 146,000 ?

Total Recall

7-24-03

This recall Davis drive is really is driving me crazy. So let me get this straight, the national economy is in the dumps, the feds are rolling it down hill to the states, and no one sees the connection. So let’s look around and blame the grayest of them all, let’s recall the gray one, that’s the ticket, that will solve our financial problems. Hey Arnold come on down! What are your qualifications? What’s that you say you don’t need any this is California?

% to become president 47.9%
% to become Attorney General *1 0%
% needed to get recall on ballot *2 12%
% needed to pass state budget 65%


There will be two questions on the ballot: A) Should Gov. Davis be recalled; and B) if he is recalled, who should replace him? The second question is a non-partisan "winner-take-all" election. There is no need to obtain 50 percent plus one. Whoever gets the most votes that day is the new governor-elect ..."

1 But first you have to lose a Governors race to a dead man
2 Of those who actually bothered to vote in last election

Man Goes Into A Classroom

7-24-03

From time to time I must remind myself that emotion over rules logic…it’s deep down in our limbic brain…our inner caveman

A man goes into a classroom of kindergarteners and asks “hands up all who want free ice cream”, everyone raises their hand. One precocious little boy says “can I have a tax cut with that”.

To paraphrase Sara Lee “nobody doesn’t like taxes”. Geez Louise I hate taxes, hate the thought of them, hate them as much as a Republican on the 4th of July. Yes sirey Bob I hate taxes with the best of them…there goes that limbic inner cave man again. Actually its part and parcel of the American psyche hard wired in our DNA since the Boston Tea party.

At some point isn’t all this talk about taxes enough. Wont just one politician tell us the truth? Sorry to tell you this boys but taxes are the necessary evil that greases the wheel; the glue that holds the whole shebang together. Nobody ever lost an election grousing about taxes. But its time for some original thinking, for some non limbic rational thought, some discourse, some systematic discussion about tax policy…not the piecemeal tax code changes that lead to unintended (and sometimes intended) consequences; its time for some creative long-term thinking about taxation…something that doesn’t start with I have a sexy little late model tax cut I’d like to sell you; something that talks to the greatness we can create when we turn off the limbic brain and don’t listen to the inner caveman…”say do you want a tax cut with that mastadon”?

Rock, Paper, Scissors

8-1-03

From time to time I have to remind myself that emotion over rules logic…it’s wired deep down in our limbic brain…our inner caveman. Witness what has occurred in our country since 9-11. Over three thousand souls perished on that dark day, and it would not be overstating the obvious to say that the nation as a whole suffered a shock to its collective limbic system. When bad things happen we often turn to blame and scapegoating. In the first incidence we blamed Afghanistan and the Taliban for harboring Bin Laden. We basically bombed Afghanistan back into the middle ages. But that was not enough, with no Bin Laden to put on trail or body to display something did not feel right, we did not have “closure” as the psychologist would say. So we went looking for Sadam, as bad a character as you are likely to find, but with no apparent connection to 9-11, and this time we bombed Iraq back into the Middle Ages. But again there was no body and no closure. The world’s only superpower with the most lethal WMD ever known and we can not bomb our way out of our national depression. The problem with all this blame is that you can not undo what’s been done and the blame game becomes mass psychosis. Interestingly enough while our limbic brains are in overdrive the rest of the world does not understand us. The French arbiters of all that is je ne sais quoi think we are off our rockers. Perhaps we are. But here’s the deal, you can’t put the genie back into the bottle and sometimes when bad things happen people and nations act irrationally.
So maybe we will start acting rationally when the French do…but I hope sooner!

Dear God Have A Word With Pat Robertson

1-5-04

Dear God

I know you talk with Pat Robertson quite often. The next time you do could you ask him why he is saying that he has a direct line to you and that you are letting him in on the future and all. You see some of us are getting a little bit peeved with Pat. So maybe you could just tell him to knock it off or give him some bad stock tips (just kidding). It sure would be nice not to turn the tv on and see Pat talking for you...I know you dont talk much...but really if you had something to say, come on Pat Robertson!?

It's Canada

1-6-04

Genetic testing confirms that the cow diagnosed with the first U.S. case of mad cow disease was born in Canada, agriculture officials said Tuesday. I can now confirm that the recession that began during the waning years of the Clinton Presidency in late 2000 can now also be traced to Canada.

Top ranking White House officials confirmed today that they were also looking into several other instances where Canada seemed to be to blame or implicated in such wide ranging issues as the present recession, and to pollution in Huston Texas and the San Fernando Valley. Ex California Governor, Gray Davis, now says that he long suspected that Canada was responsible for the energy crisis, and in sign of bipartisanship Governor Schwarzenegger agreed that his budget director Donna Arduin has traced the California Budget Crisis to Canada.

A poll taken after the news of Canada’s complicity in many of nations woes became pulic showed that 63 percent of the public thought that we should invade Canada, or failing that annex Canada and reap the benefits of cheap prescription drugs. A spokesman for the pharmaceutical industry agreed that we should invade Canada, but said that Canadian drugs were harming millions of Canadians and that we should offer Canadians the right to buy safe drugs.

Meanwhile an ACLU spokesman said that as soon as Canada became the 51st state that they would move to protect all Canadians rights to have a single payer health insurance plan and the right to buy unsafe drugs.


Many experts agree that it might be years before all the complicity of our Northern neighbors is uncovered, but they worried that Canadians would never feel truly American given the unilateral action taken by the president. One expert who has studied the dynamics of our Northern neighbors worries that the French Canadians might stage a nation wide boycott of all things American. But the president today seemed to have squelched any hint of dissension by making all of Canada above the artic circle a free speech zone and promised to have all official documents printed in English and French. Mexican President Fox was said to livid and has threatened to pull out of NAFTA and recall all Mexican Nationals.

Think Tank Fantasy League

Originally 6-24-03

Fantasy baseball league…sometimes Ken Griffy gets traded and then he doesn’t bring a championship to Cincinnati and Seattle against the odds prospers. This could not have been foreseen while Wolf and his fantasy league buddies were up there in their Think Tank scooping out how to change the world…so now we are stuck with a bill of $200 billion and growing, a country that oddly enough is not embracing us, and have lost the good will of 9-11. Now in my fantasy baseball league I trade one Wolf for… and one Chaney for...and one Condi for...and world hot spots to be named later.